Year 2, Month 11, Day 8: Good Luck, Everyone. Meet You At The Double Bar.

Shit.

WASHINGTON—The global output of heat-trapping carbon dioxide jumped by the biggest amount on record, the U.S. Department of Energy calculated, a sign of how feeble the world’s efforts are at slowing man-made global warming.

The new figures for 2010 mean that levels of greenhouse gases are higher than the worst case scenario outlined by climate experts just four years ago.

“The more we talk about the need to control emissions, the more they are growing,” said John Reilly, co-director of MIT’s Joint Program on the Science and Policy of Global Change.

The world pumped about 564 million more tons (512 million metric tons) of carbon into the air in 2010 than it did in 2009. That’s an increase of 6 percent. That amount of extra pollution eclipses the individual emissions of all but three countries — China, the United States and India, the world’s top producers of greenhouse gases.

Well, this should be good for a week’s worth of letters, at least, don’cha think? Sent Nov. 4:

Those who live for the thrills and chills provided by genuinely bad news need look no further than the new figures on greenhouse gas emissions provided by the U.S. Department of Energy. Well, thrills, anyway — since the unprecedented spike in atmospheric CO2 essentially guarantees catastrophic global warming over the coming century.

Afficionadi of extreme weather events like the anomalous October snowstorm that battered much of the North-East will also have much to look forward to. Vicious storms? Destructive rain and snow? Infrastructure-crippling precipitation? Check, check and check. The many fans of wildfires and droughts will no doubt enjoy the spectacle.

One wonders whether the current crop of Republican presidential aspirants will have anything to say about the DOE’s report. Most likely they’ll propose a cost-effective, simple and comprehensive solution: eliminate funding for any such studies in the years to come. After all, what we don’t know can’t hurt us.

Warren Senders